Expecting to fly – the story of a seeker, being lost in drugs and alcohol, love won and lost, before his first encounter with a most unusual yogi lady

Book Cover



This is the story of a search for the magical and profound amidst the pressures and distractions of the modern world, a chronicle that includes a rich store of reported experience in higher states of consciousness. The trail leads through strange territory. The author was, in his own words, a reckless individual with many failings, driven by things he did not understand. His journey encompasses childhood hopes and fears, love won and lost, alcoholic excess and psychedelic drugs. He vividly portrays the extraordinary properties of LSD, charting initial wonder and revelation and ultimate frustration and disillusionment, before telling of his first encounter with a most unusual yogi lady. The book gives a candid account of the astonishing things he learned and experienced in her company over a period of many years.

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As hours and days pass, I feel myself increasingly to be an elusive, detached personality passing through everyone and everything around me. The image of the timeless archetypal figure, indescribably beautiful, is now reflected back at me from the eyes of everyone I look at. I begin to feel I am everywhere and nowhere at once. I do not feel any barriers between myself and others. I have nothing to fear in this world because I am enveloped by a profound sense of oneness that binds everything into an ocean of love. Looking at other people in the street, I see only one playful, divine personality smiling back at me from everyone. My heart is open and overflowing with joy. I want to be an artist, a poet, a musician to express this joy. I begin to take an ecstatic delight in everything I do. I feel quite detached from my body and yet the simplest physical act, walking, sitting, eating, cleaning my teeth – even just breathing – is supremely satisfying. I feel time itself is slowing down, or maybe I am speeding up. I am aware of a series of images of myself following and anticipating my actions. I am not sure which one is really me, but I am enjoying myself so much that I don’t really care. My every movement leaves golden traces in the air. The material world is fading, dissolving, appearing more and more unreal like a myth or a dream. I feel I am awakening out of a dream. Only the dimension of spirit that I exist in is real, more intensely real than anything I have known. I am aware of my dream-like body, which seems somehow small and below me. I feel that to die and leave my body would be a matter of no particular concern; it would mean only changing one dimension of existence for another. It would mean no more to me than moving from one room to another within my own home. I feel that a lifetime in a human body is a very short time indeed. I see that the spirit permeates and transcends the material universe and all matter is reduced abruptly to an illusory, uniform ‘stuff’ that I look down upon as I would the cloud layer from an aeroplane. The transition is stunning; I have escaped from a dull and oppressive material existence, and the luminous beauty of the divine shines through the dissipating fog of space-time. With a delightful sense of freedom, I realise I have left all of my past, my past lives, the whole history of evolution behind me.

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